Three Secret Wishes--the Movie!
by CyberSerpent
Summary: Pg is language. You all know my Kamatari fic Three Secret Wishes (when Kamatari gets wishes--boy you know what happens then!), and now the Kenshin-gumi and Shishio, Yumi, Kamatari, Soujiro, and Chou come to see it on the big screen! Experience the laffs a


CyberSerpent (hereby known as CS): is everyone present and accounted for?

::chaos wreaked the theater::

Chou: ::throws popcorn at Yumi::

Yumi: ack! Butter's _not _good for your hair, y'know!

Shishio: ::sits there sharpening his sword::

CS: ::yells into a speakerphone:: _SETTLE DOWN!_

::everyone does so except Shishio, who's still rubbing his blade::

CS: Shishio?

Shishio: it's Shishio-sama to you, impudent female.

CS: :p live with it, bandage-butt.

Shishio: _What?!?! _::rises up to slash CS to pieces but luckily she escaped up to the balcony::

CS: Now, we're starting our film now! It's called Three Secret Wishes, directed by—who else?—me!

Kamatari: ::throws popcorn at CS:: _Bor-ring!_

CS: ::scowls:: it's about you, Kamatari.

Kamatari: ::eyes sparkle:: me and Shishio-sama?

Shishio: ::makes a face::

Yumi: he's mine, you faggot!  
CS: Okay, let's just get the show going! Lights out, CreatiStar, at 3—2—1!

Creatistar: ::whaps off the lights::

::lights fade::

**Three Secret Wishes ****_directed by CyberSerpent.~_**

Chou: heh! Look at the tacky serpent thingy

CS: ::throws popcorn at Chou's hair, lodging it deep within nest of blonde::

Chou: Hey!

Kamatari Honjo woke up, rubbing his eyes sleepily. Where was he? Oh right, at his bedroom, duh. But after the fight with Shishio-sama…Kamatari squeezed his eyes shut. "No, don't think about it." He instructed himself, slipping on a baby blue kimono dotted with pink blossoms. 

Yumi: Fag.

Kamatari: slut.

A knock sounded at his door. 

"Who is it?" Kamatari called out.

Chou: ten bets it's me, waiting to beat his lights out

Kamatari: shaddup

**"Soujiro, Kamatari-san." A cheerful voice replied from behind the door. "I've brought something for you."**

**Kamatari: ::to Chou:: ha.**

**Soujiro: ::blinks:: _I'm _in here?**

**CS: ::laughs the traditional Megumi fox laugh:: ohohohoho oh boy are you!**

**Megumi: ::throws popcorn at CS:: it's my laugh! Mine! And besides, your fox ears aren't long enough!**

**"Something for _me?" _Kamatari tightened his sash and walked briskly to the door. "Coming, Sou-chan."**

He opened the door and revealed Soujiro, looking even more happy than normal, hands out with an envelope in hand.

**"Eh?" Kamatari cocked his head.**

**Chou: ten bets it's a love letter from Shishio ::gets bombarded with popcorn from all::**

**"It's from Shishio-sama."**

**::a scream echoes throughout the theater::**

**Yumi: it's Shishio-sama! He's fainted!**

**Kenshin: Oroooo…**

**Yahiko: ::laughing hysterically::**

**"NANI???" Kamatari jumped so high his head almost hit the ceiling.**

**Soujiro nodded. "I dunno what's in it but Shishio-sama just said to deliver it so…"**

**"I see," Kamatari took the envelope. "Thanks Sou-chan, you can go now."**

**Soujiro nodded again and was off, gently shutting the door behind him.**

**Kamatari plopped down on the chair and with unsteady hands, tore the letter out of the envelope.**

**Chou: ::getting popcorn out of his hair:: aw Soujiro, why didn't you stick around to see what was in there?**

**Soujiro: I didn't even know I was in this mess!**

**CS: ::calls from balcony:: I love you and I'll _never _leave you out Soujiro!  
Soujiro: ::groans and hides under chair::**

**It read:**

**Kamatari**

**_Due to the fight yesterday you had with me about your gift for my birthday, I can say that you must be very eager to please me. _**

****

**All cept CS: Ewwwwwwww.**

**CS: not _that _way, you buncha perverts!**

**_Well Yumi and I had a brief discussion yesterday and she finally relented to give you part of her ten secret wishes. She gave you three. What are secret wishes, you ask? Well, secret wishes are wishes you make to the genie at the bottom of a well. The wishes she have and you have now are wishes from the genie at the well behind our house._**

**_Just say these magic words for the genie to come up:_**

**_Pilipala, the hallowed well goddess, materialize before me!_**

**_Best regards,_**

**_Shishio-sama_**

****

**Yumi: I actually _relented_ to give him my most precious _wishes?!?! _**

**Kamatari: Whoo!**

**Kamatari reread the whole letter over again disbelievingly, then placed the letter on his desk, and walked out to the well at the backyard of the house.**

Kamatari: this is getting good!

Yumi: I think I just might need to knock myself out too.

CS: not yet! You have a role later on in the fic!

Yumi: Oh. Well, in that case… ::starts getting ready to leave:: _Hey! _::tugs on elastic strings holding her to the seat::

All: ::starts pulling on their own chairs and find that they're stuck too::

CS: mhahahaha! You shall _never _escape!

Yahiko: ::bites off cord and runs away, yelling hysterically "I'm free! Free!" and bumps against a wall and faints::

All: ::sigh::

Sanosuke: ::to CS:: am I in here?

CS: Nope.

Sanosuke: thank gawd.

CS: ::counts out number of S+M fics:: but I did have you in—oh, let's say three romance fics concerning you and Megumi.

Sanosuke and Megumi: _WHAT?!?!_

CS: shush, here comes Chou's big appearance

Chou: oh boy

**"Oi, Kamatari!" Chou knocked on the door. There was no reply. "Kamatari?"**

Chou: ::looks disappointed:: datz all?

CS: 'course not! Wait n see!

**He knocked again.**

**All: ::looks at Chou strangely:: ::murmuring amongst themselves: "I didn't know he had that much patience"::**

**Chou: ::throws popcorn at everyone::**

**CS: you're right, ladiez n gentlemen! Shut yer ears, li'l kiddies! Here comes a string of bad words indeed!**

All: ooooooh! ::leans forward to listen::

**When there was still no reply, he kicked at the door angrily and yelled,**

**Chou: Well?!**

**CS: last chance to close your ears!**

**All: ::lean more forward to speaker::**

**"KAMATARI you gay fag OPEN UP!"**

**All: oooooooh!**

**Chou: yeah! Go, me!**

**When that didn't work Chou decided to try the door himself. Strangely it opened. "Eh?"**

**He walked into Kamatari's room and scanned over the items of the room. A kimono casually tossed aside on a chair with a hakama and gi; his weapon, the heavy scythe with the black ball chained to it leaned against the left wall; and a white letter on the desk.**

Yumi: no prizes guessing what he's going to do.

CS: no prizes.

**Chou walked interestedly to the desk and picked up the letter. He read it, both eyes widened, and grinned devilishly.**

**Yumi: ::proudly:: see?**

**Soujiro walked back to his room, and bumped into**

**Kaoru: me!**

**Yahiko: ::awakes:: no, you busu, you're not in the Juppon-Gattana! ::Kaoru knocks him out and he goes back to fainting::**

**CS: Yumi, get ready!**

**Yumi: ::groans::**

**Yumi on the way. "Hiya Yumi-san." He said good-naturedly.**

**"Hmph." Yumi answered, seemingly disgruntled about something.**

**Yumi: ::disgruntled:: gee I wonder why.**

**"What is it?" Soujiro asked.**

**Yumi waved off the question, muttering, "Nothing that concerns you. Bye." And walked off in a fit. **

**"Eh?" Soujiro smiled puzzledly.**

**Soujiro: huffy, arentcha?**

**Yumi: hmph.**

**"I guess this is it." Kamatari looked at the moss-covered well in front of him. He braced in front of the well, took a deep breath, and said, "Pilipala, the hallowed well goddess, materialize before me!"**

**A swirl of gold and silver stardust twirled around the well and Kamatari, and he gasped as the stardust bunched together to form a beautiful woman with deep lavender eyes, droplets of water dotted her shimmering aquatic hair, and she had on a silky baby blue dress trailing down below her shins.**

**Kamatari gaped at the well goddess, mouth hitting the floor.**

**Kamatari: I want her dress!**

**All: shhh!**

**Chou elbowed another bush out of the way as he spied on Kamatari.**

**"There he is," he murmured to himself as he spotted Kamatari nearing a well. Kamatari mumbled a few words and suddenly a tornado of shining dust gathered and the most beautiful woman Chou had ever seen appeared in front of Kamatari.**

**"I think I'm in love…"**

**All: ::staring at Chou::**

**Chou: ::starts strangling CS::**

**"Hello, you have called me out?" the goddess looked at Kamatari.**

**Kamatari could only nod.**

**"How many wishes do you have?"**

**"Um—er—" Kamatari thought for a while. **

**Kamatari: say ten! Take Yumi's!**

**Yumi: shaddup you homo! ::whaps Kamatari::**

**Kamatari: whore! ::slaps back::**

**"Three."**

**Kamatari: awwww.**

**"Three?" the goddess asked.**

**"Is there an echo in here?" Kamatari said impatiently. "Yes I said three."**

**The goddess smiled, "Saucy aren't you, little girl."**

**Sanosuke: ::huffs:: boy, is she in for a surprise.**

**Kamatari colored. "I'm a guy."**

**All: ::laughing hysterically::**

**Kamatari: SHUT UP! SHUT UP! ::glares at CS, who's still being strangled by Chou:: **

**The goddess did a double take, "Say _what???"_**

**Kamatari sighed, "Look let's just get to the wishes here, k?" **

**"Oh yes sure." The goddess nodded again. "As you know, I'm Pilipala, the goddess of the well here, and I can grant you three wishes…so your first wish?"**

**"I want to have a female body." Kamatari replied instantly.**

**All: ::moans and duck under seat to avoid seeing the awful change::**

**CS: hey come on it's not _that _bad, izzit?**

**Kamatari: hmph.**

**Chou poked at his ear, did he hear right? Girly-boy Kamatari was getting a girl's body?**

**This is getting good…**

**Saitou: ::lights cigar:: **

**CS: oi! No smokin!**

**Saitou: who gives a damn.**

**Yumi suddenly stopped in her tracks to her room. _Waitaminnit, if girly-boy gets three wishes the first thing I reckon he wants is a feminine body, then Shishio, then to be better than Soujiro! The first two I simply cannot allow! Especially the second!_**

**She thought this all over and began by going first to another "victim" of Kamatari's wish-making: Soujiro Seta.**

Soujiro: _I'm _a victim?

CS: if Kamatari was the strongest then you would be knocked to second.

Soujiro: oh.

**As she neared the boy's room, she banged on the door. "Open up, Soujiro!" she shouted.**

**The boy's head poked out from his door, "Yes Yumi-san?"**

**"Come with me, I need for you to take me to the well behind our house immediately. And since you're the fastest in the Juppon-Gattana, besides Henya, but he's a bit too creepy, I need you take me there." Yumi commanded.**

**Soujiro walked out of his room and took a look up and down Yumi. He used his hand to measure his height and then Yumi's height. She was taller than him by a few inches. "That might be a little hard since I've never carried anyone while I used that attack and since you escape my height by a few inches…that means you might escape my weight by a few pounds."**

**"Shaddup and get me there already!" Yumi clenched her fists.**

Kamatari: ::to Yumi:: ohohohoho! I _knew _you were heavier than me!

Yumi: shaddup!

Megumi: and stop stealing my laugh!

**Chou looked behind him and gave the official Rurouni Kenshin "ORO!" face when he saw Soujiro carrying Yumi in his arms approaching at full-speed.**

Kenshin: oro?

Kaoru: the "oro" is Kenshin's face! Kenshin's! ::grabs Kenshin's neck and points at him:: _Kenshin's!_

CS: ok ok…cheezus…

**"Shhh! SHHHH!" he screeched as quietly as he could as the duo reached the bush he was hiding in.**

**"Chou? What are you doing he—" Yumi started, but was muffled halfway as Chou covered her mouth.**

**"You can go now Soujiro." Chou told the puzzled boy.**

**"If you say so, Chou-san." Soujiro began making his way back to his room.**

CS: ::starry-eyed:: Sou-chan…always so obedient…

Soujiro: ::grumbles:: you make me look like a slave in here…

CS: ::starts singing:: _I'm a slaaaave—for you…_

All: ::throw popcorn at her::

**Kamatari heard the goddess say, "Close your eyes." And the next thing he knew there was a _whoosh _and he was lifted off his feet by golden sparkletts similar to the ones that circled the goddess before. His squinted thru his eyes at the goddess, she was waving her hands and chanting something. **

**As Kamatari was lowered to the ground, he felt himself for any specific changes.**

**"It's done, you're now a girl." The goddess smiled as Kamatari began to smile too as she realized that, yes, she was a girl officially.**

All: ::loudly:: _Ewwwwwwwww!_

Kamatari: ::shouts above the ewws:: what? _What?_

**Yumi and Chou's jaws both hit the floor when Kamatari was magically transformed into a woman before their eyes. They exchanged looks and nodded: they have got to stop Kamatari from getting her other two wishes before disaster and chaos wreak the earth and the Juppon-Gattana.**

And, Chou silently added slyly to himself, get a wish for himself and maybe somehow snag the well chick.

Yumi: ::harrumphes:: that's typical Chou for you. Always thinking about women.

**Kamatari grinned gratefully at the goddess, "Thank you soooo much! Now for my second wish I wan—!!!" her mouth was covered by a pair of rather familiar gloves. "Chmow!" she said thru the gloves, her voice voice muffled by them.**

All: ::starts laughing at Chou:: Chou Chow!

Chou: ::vein pops and starts strangling CS again::

**"You are _not _gonna get Shishio-sama, little boy—er, girl!" Yumi retorted, prodding a finger at Kamatari's face.**

**A vein popped in Kamatari's head and, taking a deep breath, she bit down hard at Chou's hands. **

**"YOOOOWWWWCH!" he exclaimed, shaking his hands away from her.**

**"Yumi! Chou! WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING HERE?!?!" Kamatari said angrily.**

Kamatari: yeah! What _are _they doing there?!

All: ::put tape over Kamatari's mouth::

**"Um…eh…" Yumi elbowed Chou's ribs, hissing at him, "you explain!"**

**"Jeesh so pushy." Chou grumbled, but said to a steaming Kamatari, "See, Yumi came here for no good reason at all but I have a reason! A good rea—OW! What didja kick me for, you slut?!"**

Yumi: ::outraged:: _WHAT?!?!_

Chou: ::squeaks and tries to duck under seat but can't because of the super glue:: ::gets whacked by Yumi because she was sitting next to him::

**Yumi glared daggers at him and awarded him with another kick at the shins, "Take that you sword idiot."**

**"Will someone _please _explain to me what's going on?" Kamatari tapped her foot impatiently.**

**The well goddess tapped Kamatari's shoulder, "The second and third wish?"**

**"Oh yeah! Almost forgot." Kamatari twirled back, with a smile on her face.**

**"Nooooo!!!" Yumi wailed, then suddenly grinned deviously. "Genie! Her second wish is to be a man again!"**

Kamatari: ::eyes bugged:: :::tape breaks:: 

All: awwww.

**"SAY WHAT?!" Kamatari came at Yumi with a death chop but it was too late, the wish was granted and the damage was done. Kamatari was back to a guy.**

**"Noooo!!!! YUMI!" Kamatari groaned. "Oh well." He cheered up. "I'll just use my last wish to make into a girl ag—CHOU!" he screamed suddenly as he saw Chou "explaining" to the goddess about Kamatari's last wish.**

**"See, Kama's a real nice guy, and he agreed to let me have his last wish, and so it's—" Chou was cut off as Kamatari threw a kick at him.**

**"Pilipala!" Kamatari barked fiercely at the confused genie.**

**"Hai?"**

**"My last wish is to—"**

**"Give me the wish!" Chou intercepted.**

**"No, me!" Yumi cried.**

**"MY LAST WISH IS—" Kamatari raised her voice.**

**"Wish granted." Pilipala abruptly said, and a mist of shimmering gold and silver circled a small body that no one noticed before. And suddenly Soujiro was standing back on the ground, looking at his hands and marveling. "Why thank you, Ms. Pilipala!"**

All: ::looking at Soujiro::

Soujiro: ::blushes beet-red and slides down in seat:: ::muttering out of corner of mouth:: _CS!_

**"My pleasure, little boy." The goddess winked and disappeared back down the well.**

**"SOUJIRO!" Kamatari and Chou roared, ganging up on the boy. **

All: wuh-oh.

**Yumi kicked both of them aside and knelt down next to Soujiro, "What did you wish for?"**

**"For the scars on my hands to disappear. See, when I was still with a step family they whipped my hands once when I was six and since then I had five vertical and two horizontal scars on my left palm and two vertical and three horizontal on my right. I hated them because they disturbed my training but now they're gone and it's all thanks to that goddess!" Soujiro explained excitedly.**

**"Good for you. Maybe I should have given you the wishes in the first place instead of this clown and his sidekick." Yumi jerked her thumb and Kamatari and Chou.**

Yumi: no kidding!

**Soujiro laughed, "Thank you Yumi-san. But I think Kamatari-san and Chou-san are pretty nice to me."**

**Kamatari ruffled Soujiro's hair and smiled, "See ya later, guy."**

**Chou grinned at Soujiro, "Nice compliment, smiley. Maybe I'll teach you how to drink someday. To make you tough, you know." And walked off.**

**Soujiro waved at the duo departing. Then later, as he and Yumi walked back to the house, he said, "You know, if Kamatari was a girl, he would look pretty good with Chou."**

**Yumi laughed, "Oh, you."**

Kamatari and Chou: _WHATTTTT?!?!?!_

All: ::smirking and whispering:: 

Kamatari and Chou: ::blushing tomato red::

Megumi: ohohohoho!

**~END~**

CS: Well datz dat! Now, let's ask for some reviews! First, Kamatari?

Kamatari: me and _Chou?!?! _Gross! The only one for me is Shishio-sama! ::Gets starry-eyed::

CS: ::sweatdrop:: errrr…right. Now, Yumi?

Yumi: at least Kamatari's still a guy.

CS: ::sweatdrops add:: Chou?

Chou: me and _Kamatari?!?! _I think I'm gonna be sick…can you unglue me to I can go to the restroom?

CS: sure. ::uglues Chou and he sprints away to the bathroom, hand on stomach:: ::sweatdrops multiply:: ok, Soujiro?

Soujiro: ::ignoring CS, with a popped vein on top of his head::

CS: ::pouts:: ok fine then. Be that way. Kenshin?

Kenshin: orooooo…

Kaoru: Ken-chan!

CS: hands-off woman! He's mine!

Kaoru: ::gets fiery-eyed:: oh _yeah?_

Megumi: Ken-san's mine!

CS: MINE!

Kenshin: _orooooooooo…_

Misao: ::in hyperactive mode:: since CS's unable to complete the survey, I'll do it instead! Aoshi-sama?

Aoshi: ::sips tea::

Misao: ooooook. Now, Sano??

Sanosuke: ::grinning:: that was a helluva well chick!

Megumi: ::slaps Sanosuke then goes back to the fight for Kenshin::

Misao: ::sweatdrops gaining just like CS:: Yahiko?

Yahiko: ::struggling to unglue himself:: 

Misao: ok, a bit "preoccupied"…Saitou?

Saitou: ::takes a long drag:: ahou.

Misao: uhh-kay…Enishi?

Enishi: ::throws back head and laughs maniacally:: wahahahaha! These freaks are better than the people I recruited!

Gein&crew: Hey!

Misao: ::sweatdrops even more:: Hiko-san?

Hiko: -sama, weasel, -sama. 

Misao: ::awards him with a Pissed-Off Weird Bird Kick::

Hiko: ::blocks it, and flashed his genius/idiot grin::

Misao: ::still P.O.ed:: well, then, I guess that about sums it up. Get out everybody. ::unglues everyone::

CS: ::still quarreling with Kaoru (whose raccoon ears are sticking out) and Megumi (whose fox ears are waaaay out), her trademark serpent tail coming out from her jeans::

Yumi, Soujiro, Chou, and Kamatari: ::grunting as they dragged Shishio out of the theater::

Kenshin, Sanosuke, and Yahiko: ::trot home to the dojo, leaving the arguing threesome behind::

Misao: let's go Aoshi-sama!

Aoshi: ::nods::

Enishi, Gein&crew: ::leaves a paper with the words "Jinchuu" on it::

**~Now it's really THE END~**

CreatiStar: hey! I didn't make any appearances between the beginning and the end! What's up wit dat? 


End file.
